Editorial note: My friend Katharine Grugan, an amazing pharmaceutical scientist and working mom, shares with us how she manages work and life by setting boundaries.
My friend Michelle texted me the other night and asked if I would write a guest post on how I manage everything. She told me that she thought I was amazing. I laughed and wrote back that I was really good at faking it. She wrote back to say that she thought I was good at setting boundaries.
I paused and pondered that one. Good at setting boundaries? Maybe I am? Insert emoji of brown-haired lady with her hands up saying, “I don’t know!”
I read recently how women have trouble accepting compliments. The advice given was that upon receiving a compliment (even if you don’t believe it), you should pause, internalize it, and just say thank you.
Introduction
A bit about me to start. I am a mid-career pharmaceutical scientist. I have been at my company for the last ten years in three distinct roles/departments. In the last few years, I have transitioned out of the lab and into a function leader role. I manage a small team of scientists.
Since the pandemic started, I have largely worked from home and hope that can continue as we transition into the post-pandemic new way of working. Not commuting 40+ minutes each way daily does help me feel like I can better balance work and home.
I have three children – boy/girl twins who just turned 11 and a younger daughter who is almost 8. My eldest daughter is disabled. My husband is a teacher and basketball coach. He and I have a fairly balanced relationship when it comes to our family/home responsibilities. The balance varies throughout the year, as he takes on more during the summer and I take on more during basketball season. It’s not perfect, but we try to make it work.
So back to setting those boundaries.
1. I prioritize my exercise over almost everything.
This is a big one for me. I have a set work-out schedule from which I rarely deviate. It’s a mix of running and basement H.I.I.T workouts. It is my stress relief and my mood and energy booster. I wake up very early in the morning to fit in my workouts before my family/work responsibilities kick in.
2. I go to bed early.
Because I am a morning person (hence the early morning workouts above), and because of that I am pretty wiped by 9 pm. At times I have wished that I could be one of those women who puts the kids to bed and then cranks out a couple more hours of work. But I am just not one of them. By the end of the day, my brain is spent. When I do try to get work done, it’s usually not quality or worthwhile. Consistent quality sleep is so much more beneficial.
3. My family comes first.
I try hard to not do too much work over the weekends. It’s not always possible, and if I can find the time, I benefit from getting a few things done to make the week easier. Evenings and weekends are for my family and to rest/recharge for the week. I try to be present for them. Plus, I have made time to volunteer for the class parties, and I serve as a girl scout leader for my daughter’s troop.
4. I am kind to myself.
My daily to-do list is long. I rarely complete the whole list. I often feel like a hot-mess, and I am my biggest critic. I’m learning how to ask for help and when to say no. Something has always got to give. Some days I kill it at work, and other days I kill it as a mom or a wife. I rarely excel at all of my roles at once. It is ok. I am a good mom, and I am good at my job. I’m learning how to delegate and how to self-advocate both at work and at home.
5. I outsource what I can
Since becoming parents, my husband and I have had at times a full-time nanny, part-time sitters, before care, after care, a cleaning lady, help with laundry and whole pile of recurring orders on Amazon Prime. If it’s in your budget, try to make your daily life a little easier and lighten your load. You don’t need to do it all, and you can’t be in two places at once. Find your tribe of parents at your kids’ school who can help you out with the unexpected delayed school starts, after-school activity pick up, or a ride to dance class. Return the favor in any way you can, and say thank you.
6. My kids do not do 5 different activities at once.
Just because your friends’ kids or your kids’ friends are playing on two different baseball teams, running track and taking piano and violin does not mean your kids need to do all that too. There is nothing fun about facing down a Saturday when you will spend the whole day running from one event to the next with zero downtime. If the pandemic has taught me anything, it is that my family thrives when we have less on the schedule and more downtime.
7. My journey is mine.
Nothing good comes from comparing my career trajectory with that of my peers. When I was in graduate school, some of my classmates completed their Ph.D.’s faster than I did. Peers at my company have received promotions faster than I have. There will always be people who get to work earlier or are able to stay later and are recognized because of that. However, it’s not a race to the top. It’s about being intellectually challenged, doing something you enjoy, and in my case, getting to help develop life-saving medicines.
More about Katharine
Katharine Grugan has more than 20 years of biomedical research experience focused on oncology, immunology and large molecule therapeutic development. She received her doctorate in cancer biology and completed an academic post-doctoral fellowship before joining a pharmaceutical company in 2011. Katharine has expertise in clinical flow cytometry and immune effector cell-based assays. She is passionate about mentoring women to achieve their career goals while maintaining a healthy work-life balance. Katharine lives outside of Philadelphia with her family.
Thanks for this guest post, Katharine!