I typically think of my life so far as two different lives: one life before child and a completely different life after child. The person I was before child could do it all. I could have it all. I was invincible. I had all the time in the world. Now, I am living a different life.
Nothing anyone could have said would have prepared me for having a child. I remember studying all the parenting books on how to get your baby to sleep. As soon as my son was born, I threw all those books away. I could not study my way into this new role as mother.
The balance that I once had was thrown off, and I have yet to regain it. I learned how hard it is to plan anything when you have a child. You never know what is going to happen some days. One of the most stressful times in my life was transitioning back to work after parental leave.
I wish that I could go back in time to tell myself how I was about to change fundamentally. If I could go back, I would reassure myself that after the infant fog dissipated I would emerge as someone who was stronger than before.
Katie McMenamin Photography)
Contrary to my initial expectations, having a child has actually affected my professional career in a positive way over time. Here are 6 ways that being a mom has changed how I work:
1. I have more perspective.
No matter what I accomplish or if I have failures at work, I am still Mommy at home. I try not to take work challenges personally. I understand that I cannot please everyone, especially within highly matrixed team where we all have a different objective. I do what I feel is best for my program to the best of my ability. When I run from work to daycare pick up at the end of the day, I have no time or energy for office politics or drama.
2. I am more bold.
Experiencing the public temper tantrums that my child throws on occasion has made me really not care what others think of me. I have rushed out the door only to realize that I have baby vomit on my shirt that I will rock like an accessory the rest of the day. This has made me much less self-conscious in my daily interactions.
At work this boldness has grown into the ability to express my opinions in a professional environment. I am always looking for ways to improve a process, and I will communicate with the right people to make something happen. On the other hand, I am well aware that I am far from perfect, so I am open to constructive feedback. Overall, I am gaining confidence in who I am as a scientist and the skills I bring to the table. I have gained a voice while shedding some of my self-doubt.
3. I am intentional in my career and work-related decisions.
Time, in general, is much more limited now that I am a mother. My time away from my family is valuable, and I try to make the most of it. Since becoming a mother, I switched departments at work twice to pursue new opportunities. I am not afraid to try something new and put myself out there to continue learning and to be challenged.
With every career move or work-related travel, I also consider how it affects my family. Sometimes, it means I need to cut short work travel or take a conference call rather than a flight. Other times, it means my husband uses his own vacation time to watch the baby so that I can attend a conference. My husband and I have to work much more as a team so that we both can accomplish our professional and personal goals.
4. I work more efficiently.
I am available between the core work hours of 9am and 5:30pm. Daycare closes at 6pm. If I am having a conversation with you at 5:30pm, then my son will be the last kid picked up at daycare. This happens, but then that conversation must be an important conversation for me to have. I will work on weekends when necessary, but when I work on a presentation on Sunday, it means that my husband and son are at the Jersey Shore without me. I may answer emails at 9pm at night while sitting in my son’s bedroom waiting for him to fall asleep or during Disney on Ice on Christmas Eve. This happens only because I feel those emails are urgent enough to warrant an immediate response. I make those core hours as productive as I can so that I can minimize the amount of work I have to do at home and prevent its invasion into the time I have with my son and family.
5. I have more patience.
Doing anything with a 2, 3, or now 4 year old requires a lot of patience. I have learned to stop, take a deep breath, get down to his level, and talk to him. As a 2.5 year old, he would ask “why” over and over again, and I would explain each “why,” and it always ended with the meaning of life! I have learned to live without an instruction manual.
In my daily life, I am coming to terms with the factors beyond my control. I can try my best to line up the logistics, but something will inevitably push back timelines. I try to build in back-up strategies for everything I do, but sometimes even those fail or fall short.
6. I want to set an example for my son.
I want my son to see me as a working woman. He has to see me excelling in my position but also feel supported by me. I want him to work as hard as I do one day. I want him to be sensitive to the needs of working women when he enters the workforce in the faraway future. I am proud that he currently tells me he wants to be a dragon that breathes fire and helps people!