Childcare in a Pandemic: My Experience as a Working Parent in the Time of COVID-19

We previously posted on the pros and cons of different childcare options, such as daycare, nanny/nanny share, and family care. However, our previous childcare posts are no longer directly applicable to our current pandemic environment.

Childcare in a pandemic

We are just coming out of lockdown in the Philadelphia area. Meanwhile, many parts of the country are also beginning to re-open but will still implement social distancing. 

Social distancing is likely going to be here for the long term until a vaccine is widely available. Therefore, the abnormal circumstances around working from home during this pandemic will continue.

Here is my personal experience with finding suitable childcare in a pandemic situation while working from home.

Doing it all

Many families (including ours) have one spouse who is an essential worker while the other works from home. In my case, my spouse is a physician. When he is not covering the hospital floors, he is at his office administering telemedicine appointments. Because I am working from home, I also take on the childcare.

In the past, when my son was sick, I would occasionally work from home while providing childcare. Those days were manageable with the use of electronics and toys. Unfortunately, now during a seemingly never-ending pandemic, daily 8+ hour TV binge watching takes a toll on a child’s mental health. 

With teleconferences sprinkled throughout the workday, it was difficult to establish a daily routine. Thus, my son was confused when suddenly I would turn off the TV and immediately insist on going outside to play because of a valuable hour in between meetings.

I tried to focus on my son as much as possible by waking up early. I wanted to get a head start on work while he was still sleeping. During the day, I managed my conference calls while also attending to my son between meetings. Then, as soon as my husband returned from the hospital, I would almost always continue to work again. He would first shower and then play with our son while I focused on work. 

I admire an acquaintance of mine who is doing it all with two children and a new dog. Oftentimes, she worked late into the night to compensate for the time she spent with her children during the day. She continued to do it all even while she and her whole family had COVID-19. They contracted it due to the nature of her husband’s essential worker job. Because essential workers are at a higher risk of becoming infected and bringing the virus home, our families want to maintain social distancing to prevent the spread of COVID-19. 

Taking time off

After a few weeks, it was clear that the “doing it all” approach was failing for my family and me. My 5-year old son cried every day about how lonely he felt. My husband was disappointed that I worked all night and then woke early to work, seeming to ignore him and our son. Moreover, my own mental health was taking a toll. After a lot of reflection and discussion with my managers, I decided to take some time off. Fortunately, my company has a COVID-19 leave policy in place for full-time caretakers. 

During the week of leave, I focused completely on my son. I made an arcade in our living room using boxes and balls, giving him quarters and making “tickets” that he could turn in for prizes. We made an obstacle course with sidewalk chalk. I put post-it notes with prices on all the produce in my kitchen. And I had him shop while I checked him out with a toy cash register. We both needed this fun week to reconnect. 

Unfortunately, not working is not a long-term solution for a continuing pandemic. On the last few days of my leave, I started to pack my things to try my next childcare solution.

Moving in with family

Earlier during the pandemic, my husband provided telemedicine from an empty office for two weeks. However, we knew that after those two weeks, his hospital had scheduled scheduled him to take care of COVID-19 patients. His transition back to the hospital floors would occur during what would be almost the peak of the pandemic in a hard-hit area of North Philadelphia. 

Therefore, after much discussion, we decided it would be potentially safer for our son and me to move into my parents’ house. Many other healthcare worker families were in similar situations. At the time, we also considered renting an apartment for my husband. However, moving in with my parents was less expensive and came with the extra incentive of free childcare.

In doing this, my son and I would enter my parents’ social distancing circle. We would be cut off from my husband for the foreseeable future. It was a hard decision but one we felt was best for our family at the time.

Unfortunately, despite knowing my parents and their house very well, my son was not comfortable. He always wanted to be with me, even though my parents were willing to watch him. At one point, my observant son said, “I wish I was on Top Chef and lost, so I can go home.” He constantly cried for Bacon, his beloved cat. He also tried in his 5-year-old way to run away, but we ended up walking around the block and returning. 

In the end, my retired/semi-retired parents were also not prepared to manage a young child who was suffering in the midst of the pandemic. They had expected a happy child who would run into their arms. Instead, they found a child who constantly longed to be home and was depressed from the loss of his former routine. 

Nannies are essential workers too

At this point, my husband and I decided it was best for us to move back home. I took another week of leave at work to figure out the best option moving forward. As the college semester was ending, there were many students available to watch my son for the summer. Thus, I found a student to be our nanny.

As childcare in a pandemic, the nanny becomes part of your social distancing “bubble.” Everyone that the nanny is interacting with is now a potential exposure for us. Therefore, we needed to have a level of trust that is beyond what is normally required of a nanny-family relationship. Moreover, communication is key. I have to believe that she is not taking part in crazy partying, and she has to trust that my physician husband is wearing a N95 mask at work. We are both putting our families' risks of infection in each other's hands. 

Taking this all into account, however, working from home with a nanny has its challenges. My son was slow to adjust to staying with another adult while I work in my office. I try to set limits by communicating what time I will be out of the office. I eat lunch daily with my son and sometimes will join them in activities. In the morning, he responds better if we are already outside playing when the nanny arrives. I also try to set up daily activities/games to keep him engaged and give her some direction. 

Regardless of these challenges, having a nanny has been a lifesaver so that I can focus more readily on my work during the day. My son is no longer bored or lonely. I also have time set aside for dinner so that we can sit down to eat as a family. For me and my family, a nanny is absolutely an essential worker. Luckily, at this point in time, COVID-19 hospitalization rates have drastically fallen, and we are hopeful that this current trend will continue. 

Childcare in a pandemic: Towards the future

There are daycares available for essential workers, but they are few and far between. However, in the next phase of re-opening, daycares and summer camps will open with additional precautions, such as limiting class size or having staff members wear face masks. Whether families feel comfortable pursuing this option depends on geography, precautions and individual needs. I am hopeful that my son will reconnect with some friends and have some fun in a few weeks because we have no idea what the fall and winter may hold. 

The concern is that with the re-opening of daycares and summer camps, the social distancing bubble is going to expand exponentially. Instead of just one caregiver that we have included into our bubble, there will be 10 children with up to 20 parents who may have other children also at camp exposed to 10 other children with up to 20 other parents, and the network continues. Overall, the risk of exposure will be much higher. Schools had previously closed for this reason. 

A call for understanding

In all honesty, the challenge of figuring out childcare in a pandemic while working from home is a privilege. Many people are out of work at this time. I am especially privileged to work for a pharmaceutical company that has generous leave policies regarding childcare. 

Regardless of which route families are taking for childcare in a pandemic, everyone needs to have understanding and compassion in this current work from home environment as well as the gradual re-opening. After all, we are all in this pandemic together. Employers have to commend their employees’ dedication to their families and to their work. It has been a difficult balance in this uncertain time.

I have found that one of the most challenging aspects of working from home is the lack of boundaries. Work can happen anywhere at any time. Employees should be free to establish times that are set aside for their families - whether for mealtimes or for virtual schooling. Coworkers also need to be patient for the children or pets that may creep into meetings. 

Although I have finally found a childcare solution that works for my family, I still have a cat that enjoys being on camera. Boo, my mischievous cat, loves to walk across my desk, pull out my ear buds, scratch the door and bring a squeaky toy into my office. I can get childcare and supplement my son’s entertainment with electronics. But my cat knows no limits!