Throughout 2020, women have been put through the test. The COVID-19 pandemic has presented new stresses and adversities. Now, the reality is that these challenges are prolonged. Thus, it will take a lengthy and sustained practice of resilience to survive these times. Thankfully, I am learning that it is possible to develop resilience.
Why I need resilience
Like many working moms, I have been juggling, spinning plates, surfing, or whatever other metaphor you prefer, since even before the pandemic. Oftentimes, balls fall and plates crash, partly because my partner is an essential worker. No surprise, a couple months ago, I fell off my surfboard.
I was confronting a disability diagnosis for my toddler and everything that comes along with it - dealing with my own rollercoaster of emotions and then managing the inquiries of confused family members. Similar to dealing with the challenges of pandemic pods, coordinating his care while considering the trade-offs during this pandemic put me in analysis paralysis. Being overwhelmed, I just wanted to crawl under a rock.
Resilience is a long game
With the COVID-19 vaccine far from a sure thing and with no magical pill for my toddler’s diagnosis, I realized that I needed to up my resilience game. Resilience can be defined as the capacity to adapt to change and adversity. In fact, resilience is a way to combat the stressors in life. Having resilience means not only do you bounce back, but you also grow and improve from the experience. In other words, bounce forward!
Thankfully, resilience is not just an innate talent but can be learned and developed. My employer has recognized that we may need resources to help us become more resilient employees. I attended several webinars and training sessions on the topic.
I learned that resilience is important for all aspects of life - personal and professional. A lack of resilience can mean a reduction in work productivity while also causing an increase in personal and organizational costs like healthcare expenses and absenteeism. Importantly, highly resilient people respond effectively to challenges and even find new opportunities for growth within workplace stress.
Negativity is our natural default
Several months ago, the head of my department texted me at 5pm on a Friday to ask if we could meet the following week. Immediately, I worried, “Oh no, what did I do wrong?” You can bet my cortisol level was elevated all that weekend.
To help us humans survive in ancient times, our brains - the limbic system and amygdala - evolved to be hyper-vigilant for threats like natural disasters and predators. Thus, we are hardwired to default to a negativity bias and the “fight or flight” stress response. However, in modern times, our threats are more psychological in nature. Most of our challenges are threats to our sense of control or self-esteem. Yet, these threats can still trigger the same stress response and push us into feelings of overwhelm.
Humans also have a part of our brains - the prefrontal cortex - that evolved for high-level mental function. This includes problem solving as well as logical and rational thinking. Compared with the quick-acting emotional part of the brain, the prefrontal cortex is deliberate, conscious, and operates at a slower rate. Practicing resilience means deploying strategies to use our logical prefrontal cortex to manage and exert control over our emotional brain.
Dimensions of the Resilient Mindset Model
According to the TRACOM Resilient Mindset Model, resilience consists of nine characteristics categorized under a framework of three dimensions. People who have these characteristics are likely more resilient than those who do not.
Dimension #1: Filter - How do you ingest information and interpret the world?
1. Personal responsibility
Do you believe that your talents and motivations can determine success or failure rather than external forces like luck or timing?
Those who are high in personal responsibility feel that they can control their own circumstances. In fact, they are more likely to engage in proactive behaviors and persist in the face of adversity.
2. Realistic optimism
Do you see the world in a positive, yet realistic, way?
People with realistic optimism have a mild optimism that drives their motivation to deal with challenges while also being pragmatic. Indeed, they anticipate and plan for adversity.
3. Personal beliefs
Does your life have deep meaning and purpose?
Those with a calling or who feel connected to causes and values can consider the bigger picture and maintain positivity when unexpected obstacles arise.
Dimension #2: Act - How do you behave and respond to handle challenges?
4. Self-assurance
How do you believe in yourself to successfully handle the situation?
People with high self-assurance trust their own skills and believe in themselves to effectively change their environment.
5. Self-composure
Can you manage stress and stay calm under pressure?
Those with high self-composure can keep at bay their negative emotions so that they don’t take over and drive decisions.
6. Problem solving
Can you plan and resolve problems effectively?
People with problem-solving ability have a range of strategies and approaches to take the time to gather information, plan carefully, and make decisions to tackle problems.
7. Goal orientation
Do you set appropriate goals, monitor progress, and adjust when needed?
Goal-oriented people make specific and achievable goals. Then, they take the steps to work towards those goals, including monitoring and regulating their behavior along the way.
Dimension #3: Interact - How do you communicate and connect with others?
8. Courageous communication
Do you communicate with others in a candid and courageous way even in a difficult situation?
Courageous communicators manage difficult conversations to clear up misunderstandings, build healthy relationships, and elevate their influence.
9. Social support
Do you have a network of confidants and people with whom you can discuss your problems?
Those with close relationships, which can provide comfort and assistance during tough times, have a sense of belonging, self-worth, and security.
A note on resilient mindset dimensions
To be resilient, people don’t necessarily have to be strong in all nine characteristics. Building resilience might mean routinely relying on the dimensions that are already strong, thus even further strengthening them. And in addition, nurturing some of the other characteristics can also help in developing resilience.
I scored high in the dimensions of Act and Interact, particularly the characteristics of social support, courageous communication, and goal orientation. However, I could probably boost my Filter dimension, particularly the characteristics of personal responsibility and realistic optimism.
3 Steps to develop resilience
1. Mindfulness
Mindfulness is knowing what’s going on in your head and not getting carried away by it. Being mindful means paying attention to what is happening in the moment. While having mindfulness will not solve all your problems, it is a powerful tool for developing resilience.
I often spend too much time ruminating over how I could have responded to a coworker’s question in a different way. Or I simulate in my mind the multitudes of possible scenarios that might happen if we send my toddler to in-person preschool vs. keeping him at home. To develop my resilience, I need to live in the moment and focus on my present experience.
A moment of meditation can be done to cultivate self-awareness prior to a work meeting. Mindfulness can lead to inner calm even during active times, such as enjoying our autumn afternoon walks or practicing some deep breathing as I wait for my rambunctious toddler to go to bed.
2. Emotional resilience
There are several ways to practice emotional resilience. This includes being aware of how we feel emotions in our body. That awareness enables a perspective shift so that we can respond differently during a stressful situation.
For example, have you heard of the power pose? The idea is that our body language governs how we think and feel, so we can use our body to impact our minds. Thus, by commanding a powerful stance, we make ourselves feel more powerful and in control. I’ve definitely done a few power poses in the bathroom before job interviews - why not? I could use all the help I could get!
Another practice for emotional resilience is having gratitude, which is the expression of appreciation for what one has. Having gratitude means recognizing value independent of monetary worth, and it is an affirmation of goodness and warmth. There are lots of ways to practice gratitude, including keeping a gratitude journal or committing to text a friend, coworker, or family member each day to share your appreciation.
I try to turn my apocalyptic thoughts about the pandemic or the latest company reorganization to thoughts of gratitude. Not just “it could be worse,” but “I’m thankful to have a job that allows me to work from home.”
Lastly, giving time and effort to others can be very energizing. The caveat is that this giving needs to utilize your strengths and allow you to see the results of your efforts. Did you know that volunteering to help others can improve your own health? I’ve volunteered to mentor undergraduate students at my alma mater through the Mentor Collective. As a result, I always feel a boost to my mood after each session, no matter how terrible my day had been.
3. Cognitive resilience
Practicing cognitive resilience is a heavy lift for the rational prefrontal cortex. First, we need to examine our subconscious, recurrent thought patterns that might be sabotaging our wellbeing during the stress response.
In the face of adversity, we all have an explanatory style or interpretation of what is happening. These might be pessimistic thoughts like “I’m a failure” and “My life is ruined!” If we can recognize these automatic thoughts, then we can reconfigure our minds to explain the situation more optimistically. This might be like “I’m doing pretty well considering the circumstances” and “This is just a temporary setback.”
In addition to practicing optimism, setting goals (SMART: specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound) promotes resilience by focusing our attention and encouraging persistence. I like to focus on process goals (“I will research 3 preschools”) rather than outcome goals (“I will get promoted”).
Final notes
Resilience has been a consistent theme over the recent months. Like many others, I’ve been treading water, hoping to survive 2020. A coworker recently said to me, “All I do is eat, sleep, and work. 2020 has been a waste and a loss.” I fervently disagree. I am not squandering the opportunities that this challenging year has created. If anything, I know that developing and practicing resilience is a path to thriving - during this year and for years to come.
