According to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics, dual-career couples make up almost half of married couples in 2018 (as opposed to 31% in 1970). Among married couples with children, 63% saw both parents working.
These dual-career households have many advantages, including increased financial stability and the chance for both partners to pursue career fulfillment. However, dual-career couples also have a variety of challenges facing them.
Challenge of dual-career couples: moves
One of the most common challenges facing dual-career couples is the need to make multiple geographic moves. Oftentimes, pursuing further education or training opportunities precipitate the need for these moves. In addition, moves may be necessary for climbing the corporate career ladder to senior positions.
Some moves force dual-career couples to choose which partner’s career will lead and which will follow. Some dual-career couples may take turns passing the baton back and forth. By contrast, other moves are managed so that both careers can grow, with no trade-offs needed.
The decision for moving needs to be negotiated carefully between the members of the dual-career couple. Most of the time, there is likely no obvious right or wrong way to handle the moves.
Dual-career couples and working in pharma
Managing moves for dual-career couples is particularly challenging when both careers are demanding or constrained in terms of locations. In a previous interview, a pharma recruiter reminded us of the geographic constraints of working for most major pharmaceutical companies. For example, these companies in the US are typically located in the greater metropolitan areas of Chicago, Philadelphia, New York, Boston, and San Francisco.
Both of us have graduate degrees, post-graduate training, and now work in major pharmaceutical companies. We are both married to partners whose demanding professional training and careers have not always occurred co-located with our own.
Thus, we wanted to share our own examples of dual-career challenges and how we managed the decisions and moves. We acknowledge that our situations have been solely US focused, whereas others have stories of international moves and severe time zone disparities.
Long-distance dual-career moves
Michelle: While I was still in graduate school in Philadelphia, my significant other was accepted into medical school in Omaha. We opted to live long distance. At this point in our relationship, we were not married. Thus, finishing our respective degrees was more important to us than living together.
During this period of time, I flew from Philadelphia to Omaha once per month for weekend visits. Medical school was exceptionally challenging and demanding of his time, so the long-distance relationship was especially difficult. Oftentimes, he could not devote his full attention to me during my visits because he had to study for exams.
Here was my strategy for the long-distance relationship: making friends in his city as well as mine, going on vacation together when we could, and talking on the phone every day. I also had my own life in my city. I would explore Philadelphia with my friends, I had hobbies, and I focused on my work each day.
Even after we married, we lived apart because he was still in medical school. Many of my friends from that time had never met my husband until our wedding!
More tips for long-distance dual-career moves
Wenny: My partner and I were long-distance for a total of six years. Two years were spent commuting Philadelphia to Boston while we were each in our respective PhD programs. Four years were spent between Washington, DC and Boston while I completed my postdoctoral fellowship.
We made those decisions based on a variety of internal and external factors. For my husband, the major factor was attending the engineering school of his dreams. For me, I had found talented scientists and caring mentors in my field. In addition, the Great Recession of 2007-2009 limited our ability to be picky in finding employment.
I remember that at one point during the long-distance period of our relationship, a student at my undergraduate alma mater asked for my mentorship. I was so excited for the opportunity to share with her my passion for scientific research. Perhaps, I could influence her to pursue a similar career path. Imagine my surprise then, when at our first meeting, she started the conversation by asking me how I managed a successful long-distance relationship!
Most of the advice that I shared with the student included exactly the strategy Michelle described above. Being able to be very independent was paramount. However, I also added that for a long-distance relationship to survive, a key ingredient is trust. Partners need trust that the other person is loyal and faithful, trust in the relationship, and trust that the long-distance is only temporary.
Moves to accommodate one spouse’s career
Michelle: At the completion of his medical degree and when my husband matched for residency, I decided it was time to follow him to that same location. This decision meant finishing my postdoctoral training in a prestigious lab earlier than planned. In addition, I began searching for a new position in his residency city.
Not knowing if I would find a position right away, I was ready to edit journal articles to make ends meet. Fortunately, I prepared for my job search and found a position in pharma that started immediately after we moved. The timing of my job search led to an opportunity for my family because the position that I took set me up for the career that I now have.
Wenny: When I decided to transition into public health from biomedical research, I needed further educational training. My first-choice MPH program was in Baltimore, but my significant other was studying in Boston at that time. Luckily, a different MPH program in Boston accepted me, so I moved there instead. We got engaged that year.
Not moving to accommodate one spouse’s career
Michelle: Because of the position I had with my current employer in the Philadelphia area, my husband opted to continue his training and post-training medical career in Philadelphia rather than moving elsewhere. In fact, I am now constantly turning down job opportunities outside of the Philadelphia area because of my husband’s career.
At this moment in our lives, having a stable family with two careers is more important than either of us advancing our career by uprooting our family. I do not discount the possibility that in the future we may jointly decide to move, but right now we are happy to be where we are.
Ultimately, each of our decisions was what was best for us as a couple or family, rather than what was best for either spouse alone. Of course, the family decision now includes what is best also for our child.
Negotiating flexible work arrangements
Wenny: Given my own pivot in career trajectory, I understood my husband’s desire to pursue a medical career while already pretty far down the engineering path. From among his school options, we chose based on a combination of factors: the prestige of the institution, teaching/learning styles offered, and financial assistance available.
The school that we chose was in the San Francisco Bay Area. Unfortunately, the job I held and the job offers I received were all on the east coast. We had married the year before and, at that point, opted for co-location. Thus, I negotiated with my boss to split each month in the two locations. Every month, I spent two weeks in the office and two weeks working at home.
When it came time to rank my husband’s preferences for the residency match, I had already started to work at a pharmaceutical company and was pregnant. Thus, we made our ranking decisions based on: the fit of the program for his training needs, locations that had major pharmaceutical employers, and proximity to family for childcare help. We ended up moving across the country again. This time, I negotiated with my employer to work full-time from home.
Summary
To outsiders, moving to accommodate a spouse or choosing to have a long-distance relationship may appear like sacrifices. However, we each made choices that took into account potential opportunities for pivoting and growing and finding success in our careers.
There is no one way to manage two careers. There are no right or wrong answers for how to manage the moves. What we’ve learned is that flexibility is key and that making decisions jointly with our partners is what matters most.