This week's guest post comes from Joannie Yeh, pediatrician and time management life coach. She tackles an important subject - working mom guilt - and gives us concrete techniques to deal with it. You can find more from her at Betamomma.com. Happy Mother's Day!
You may not think spending more time with your kids is as easy as something you could start today. Since most of my friends – who happen to mostly be women who work outside the home - began having kids, I noticed that a common post on their social media was about how they wished they had more time with their kids. I have almost 10 years of harboring these sentiments myself, with my firstborn entering this world just as I completed pediatric residency training. More recently, I also completed training as a time management life coach. With my experience as a working mom of 3 kids and as a time management life coach, I developed a system for working moms so they can spend more time with their kids without guilt. Here is the very do-able and practical quick win first step of that system.
How to start spending more time with your kids now without changing your routine or hiring help
Spending more time with your kids can start now. Consider this quote from Arthur Ashe – “Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” You have all the time and tools and resources you need now to spend more time together. Yes. I have coached hundreds of women through this system. Every mom was able to figure out something they could do today, so I know that you can do this too.
What is your child doing right now? Are they reading? Can you sit and read with them for 5-10 minutes? Are they at sports practice? Can you stop by a store to get a smoothie or water ice together afterward? Have you already rushed through dinner? Can you sit on your child’s bed and ask them what was their favorite part of the day and what part of the day they wish could have gone better?
How to shift from “I can’t” to “I could”
And if it’s still a bit hard and you’re thinking “I can’t,” then try switching out “can you” to “what would it take to.” That shift in reframing the question might be enough to get your creative juices flowing to figure out a solution of “I could” do this instead to fit my family’s circumstances.
Here are a few examples of alternative actions. Let's say your child hates reading, but they love Tik Tok, then could you watch a few of their favorite funny Tik Toks and get a good laugh together? If you don’t have money or time to stop at the store, then could you drink a cup of cold water on your front stoop for 5 minutes with your child and ask them about their favorite part of the game and what they wish they could have done better? If you are not home at your child’s bedtime, then perhaps instead of sitting on the edge of their bed, could you video chat with them to ask a couple of questions about their day?
Tiny step to tremendous success
Does this seem too simple to have an impact? Don’t dismiss the big impact little things can make in your life. Many studies show that the quality of time we spend with our kids is more important than the quantity of time. Being with a sleep-deprived and stressed-out parent for long hours is not as helpful to a child’s development as one hour of engaging conversations during a meal or 15 minutes of screen-free time playing together. While the time we have now to spend with our kids is tiny, what our kids gain from those moments is lasting.
Another benefit of this tiny step is that it is too tiny to fail. It is guaranteed to be a win. It might be a tiny win, but it is a win. Then, that tiny action will inspire more action and then bigger action, until you get to the point where you are regularly spending time with your kids. If you took even just one tiny action today, imagine how amazing life would look like one year from now or even one week from now when spending time with your kids becomes so routine it’s just part of your flow.
Ready to take this tiny win to tremendous success? Send me a DM on Instagram @betamomma with the word “tiny”. I would love to hear about your tiny win (or series of tiny wins) and celebrate with you!